Fathers Matter Too!
Do Fathers Really Matter?
I became interested in fatherhood in the most unusual way: I have children, I grew up without my biological father present, both of my parents come from blended families, both of my parents have children by multiple persons and I’m married to a man with multiple children by multiple women who has been involved and not involved with some of his children lives.
Father’s in my opinion are equally as important as mothers. I believe this because God made families. He made mothers and fathers. And they both are relevant in their children’s lives. If you live on planet Earth, all of mankind has been reproduced when a man and a woman, male and female have sexual intercourse. The man’s sperm is needed in order to produce a child with the woman’s egg located in her womb. Well that is the natural way it is done.
If you live in America often times the families that make this great nation aren’t built with the traditional styled family, where the biological parents are married together in the same house with their children. Not just America, but Families come in many shapes, forms, sizes! But specifically in American culture we have dismissed Fathers in general in regard to their importance in children’s lives.
We’ve grown accustomed to women having children without fathers. But what bothers me the most is the hurtful truth that many women have these men babies and use them as a bait to get the kind of response and attention (usually negative) they really desire from the fathers, as an act of revenge for the “hurt or pain” they feel the man may have put them through for simply having the audacity to move on with another woman or by making her his wife. which has nothing to do with the child.
Therefore, they dismiss the fathers from the children’s lives because they are not pleased with who that father is although they are the ones who chose that same man when they decided to have their children. Unless the woman was raped. And regarding this matter I’m not referring to those instances.
However, those kinds of mothers I do not understand. (But to each its own) If there is a father that is willing to parent with you (no romance included) I have no idea why a woman would not allow a father to do what he is supposed to do, even if he has no clue how to be a father. Because as quite as its kept a woman don’t know crap about motherhood until their in it. So, why do mothers tend to treat fathers like we are the only ones who know what is best when it comes to our children which are their children too?
The truth is no one really feels prepared for parenting. Parenting is a hit-and-miss responsibility for all parents if we would be honest. We often times find ourselves making errors, sometimes the same errors we’ve made already. We function primarily on instinct, assertive that love and attention would sustain the children.
We’ve believed that the most important things to do while parenting is to tell kids you love them and spend as much time as possible with them. Any parent who has adult children can testify that this is good but it is not good enough. Many parents especially Mothers think they have this figured out and are only “prideful” to point out our mistakes along the way as we begin to raise our own families.
Many of us have ideas about how our fathers might have helped or hurt us growing up, but no one can be sure if they are right. That’s one of the things I hope to correct in this article. I’m professionally and personally interested in what we know to be true, not what we think we know. I have taken the time to expose stereotypes and half-truths with what scientist have discovered to be true.
Things that need to be exposed with truth are questions like: Is infant bonding limited to mothers? Do fathers contribute to their kid’s language development? How do fathers affect children’s performance in school? Do they have any influence over their teenage children? How important is the fathers presence in the child life overall? Do he really matter when it comes to the child and what is best for them?
What we think we know about these things is based on fallacies. It’s high time we get rid of these traditions and take a good look at what researchers are learning about fathers and their children and families. The short answer is that fathers are immeasurably important in their children’s lives, in ways that both scholars and parenting experts have disregarded.
For a long time, until women began entering the labor force in greater numbers in the 1960s and 1970s, fathers had a valuable-and often disregarded-role to play in the family. The fathers brought home the paychecks that housed and fed their families and provided a little extra for sports or music lessons.
For people of African decent, fathers being absent was made the norm for this generation of people because of the slave trade in America, which forced the father’s to be separated from their families with the acts such as the forced reproduction through rape of these descendants ancestors. As time went on we still see the horrible affects of this atrocious act still reproducing in the lives of these descendants families today. Fathers invaluable disregarded role has become a cultural norm in the American culture.
Some people feel bringing home the paycheck might not seem like the most nurturing thing a parent can do. But it was extremely important: nothing is more demoralizing to the lives of children than poverty. Keeping children fed, housed, and out of poverty is major.
But is that it? What else could fathers add to their children lives? We are all familiar with what Mothers do for their children, but what is it exactly that the fathers do for their children? How much do Fathers really matter? And what in turn do children do for their Fathers? Leave your comments in the forum below. I would love to hear your thoughts!
The bottom line is fathers matter too!
Because it is so much to discussed, this topic will be broken down into multiple blog post. I encourage you to stay tuned and share the articles regarding this topic and lets change the way we think about fathers and our relationships with them.
To learn more about fatherhood statistics and the research that has been done to confirm the unique importance of fathers, purchase the book by Paul Raeburn “Do Fathers Matter? What Science Is Telling Us About the Parent We’ve Overlooked.”
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